The 7 ways people click
I was at a dinner party at the weekend, and a friend was lamenting how a friendship that seemed to have potential - had started to feel like it wasn’t meant to be. I chimed in: “you probably don’t have 3 of the 7 pillars of friendship in common, I wouldn’t worry”.
Naturally, I was chastised for hijacking a social conversation to turn it into a chat about behavioural science — BUT - once that was done - we established, that in fact these 2 individuals did not.
There are 7 things that can connect us - according to Robin Dunbar, and if we tick off at least 3, there’s a good chance that a connection or bond will form.
So, what are they?
From the same place
Speak the same language/ dialect
Similar education and career path
Same hobbies / interest
Same sense of humour
Same values
Same taste in music
My friend and her would-be friend spoke the same native language and had a shared interest in business — but that’s where the cross-over came to a close. She saw signs that their values didn’t quite align, they had different hobbies, and so - the friendship was fizzling.
You may be thinking to yourself - I don’t actually know what my friends’ values are — or the hobbies and interests of your team — let this be your nudge to ask. The more pillars we share with one another - the closer we will feel. In work, that means - easier working relationships, outside of work - that means - someone to put up with your hijacking conversations to talk about behavioural science (from personal experience).