A team of psychologists led from the University of Michigan wanted to know whether the words you use when you talk to yourself make a difference under pressure. Across seven studies with 585 people, they asked participants to think through stressful situations using either "I" or their own name and "you".
In one study, participants had five minutes to prepare a speech about why they were qualified for their dream job. The "I" group wrote things like "How can I possibly write a speech in five minutes?", while the name group wrote things like "You can do it, John."
Compared with the "I" group, the people who used their own name felt less distress, gave speeches that independent raters judged to be better, and were less likely to brood over how it had gone afterwards. In later studies, talking to yourself this way also led people to see upcoming stressful events as more of a challenge and less of a threat.
“You got this”, beats “I got this”.
The researchers found that using your name or "you" puts a bit of psychological distance between you and the situation, which makes it easier to think clearly about it.
How to practise it at work
Swap the pronoun before the big moment: Before a presentation or a tough conversation, take a minute to talk yourself through it using your own name, for example "Fred, you've done this before."
Write it down: Spend two minutes writing about how you're gearing up for the task in the second person, the way participants did in the study.
In review, use ‘you’: When you catch yourself going over how something went, describe it to yourself by name, as if you were talking to a friend.
Talking to yourself has a bit of a reputation, but done in the third person it turns out to be a performance tool, so feel free to do it quietly.
If you'd like a chat about building habits that hold up under pressure, book a free 30 minute consultation and I'll happily talk to you in the second person.
Source
Kross, E., Bruehlman-Senecal, E., Park, J., Burson, A., Dougherty, A., Shablack, H., Bremner, R., Moser, J., & Ayduk, O. (2014). Self-talk as a regulatory mechanism: How you do it matters. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 106(2), 304-324.