Challenge: Notice your bad listening habits
Most listening advice is about what to add in. Nod more, ask better questions, paraphrase. These are all very valid ways to better connection.
However, unless you’re aware of what your existing bad habits are - they won’t have the impact you’d like.
Listening matters more than we think
A 2024 meta-analysis in the Journal of Business and Psychology pulled together 664 effect sizes from over 400,000 observations. It found that feeling listened to at work is linked to better relationships, more positive emotions and higher job performance. The strongest link was with relationship quality.
Bad habits that make for bad listening
The same researchers describe what poor listening looks like. It’s not odious stuff - it’s small, everyday habits that most of us can reluctantly recognise as our own:
Changing the topic
Interrupting
Offering advice
Glancing at your phone mid-conversation
None of these feel abhorrently rude in the moment. You’re being efficient, engaged.. a mortal! But the person talking reads these habits of engaging very clearly: you’re not listening.
This week’s challenge: Catch yourself
For this week at work, pay attention to which of these habits you slip into.
By Friday, you’ll likely see a pattern. Maybe you interrupt when you’re stressed or when you’re excited to add your ideas (wait, that’s me!). Maybe you jump to advice with people you manage when a coaching question would be more helpful. Maybe your phone is too delicious a distraction to ignore. Just try and notice the pattern - that’s it.
Why noticing first?
We can’t change a habit we can’t see. Most of us think we’re good listeners, but if we actually tune into our behaviour - we’ll spot that we’re guilty of at least one of these. Full disclosure, I am a highly prone - I’ve noticed - to interrupting. Patience is a virtue - that passed me by - and so I get excited and chime in. Noticing that I do that - means I’m more alert to it - and less likely to do it.
Good luck with your noticing.
Book in a chat with me and I’ll help you think it through your habits, 30 minutes, no cost. And, I promise I’ll keep the interrupting to a minimum.
Source: Kluger, A. N., Lehmann, M., Aguinis, H., Itzchakov, G., Gordoni, G., Zyberaj, J., & Bakaç, C. (2024). A meta-analytic systematic review and theory of the effects of perceived listening on work outcomes. Journal of Business and Psychology, 39, 295–344.